Only Child Adult Online Community Forum :: Your experiences of being an adult only child
Board Index Latest Posts Welcome Guest   [Register]  [Login]
 Subject :My life as an only child... 16-01-2012 00:55:17 
HoneyB
Just starting out
Joined: 16-01-2012 04:08:03
Posts: 2
Location: 

It's so great to read you guys stories and to see that you guys are just like me. I shared so many tears reading your stories and post because I understand not only you but myself! For a long while I struggled to know why I am who I am. Everything makes alot more sense to me about myself now. I have now realized most of my depression has been from being the only child. Before I found out the reason of my depression I only wanted one child; I second thought that. Its sad to think that my kids would'nt have any uncles, aunts, or cousins on my side of the family. I want atleast two kids now because I don't want my unborn to have to deal with the things I deal with daily.

As a kid it didn't bother me as much because at a young age I had kids to play with from school. It didn't bother me that I was alone and I was okay with it because that's all I ever knew of. Being the only child has effected me more as an young adult. The stereotype of the only child is sometimes true but also bias depending on how your parents raised you. Research says that only child struggles with socializing I do believe that. I love the idea of being social but when it comes down to it I suck at socializing. I tend to get words mix up and not making any sense to myself. I tend to try to hard to please other because I want to be accepted. I keep to myself alot and I come off shy. I am really personable and I don't let anyone know exactly who I am and how I feel because i'm simply not use to spilling out my feelings. Many people say the only child is stingy. and me myself I am independent and appreciate what I have and I am willing to give. Both of my parents grew up with sibilings so they don't understand what it is like to be me. I don't like to disappoint others because I want to fit in and be love by everyone and I always want to do whats right.

I am 20 years old and its so hard for me because I want to explore the world and move out but I feel so trapped because I dont like disappointing my parents and I hate to see them upset or sadden. With that saying its hard hard for me because I am scared to take that risk and its  not exactly that they won't let me...I won't let myself. I feel so stuck. I feel so lonely but I stray from expression my feelings to others. Being the only child has also reflected my romantic relationships. When I was younger I wanted more space in my relationships because I wasn't use to someone ALWAYS being around...However that has changed! I have been in my current relationship for 4 years and I always want him around because I enjoy that unconditional love. That has become a problem in our relationship because I am not valuing is space and I come off as selfish and a brat but I honestly don't mean to be the stereotypical brat...I just enjoy his company because it provides me with that unconditional love I never had besides my parents. I enjoy to be able to joke and play around with some one other than my parents that love me unconditionally. I'm missing that part of life because I grew up alone...and for him to provide it I love it but doesn't get it. Him being around alot fulfills that emptiness and depression that i've been feeling all these years. He isn't the only so he doesn't understand where i'm coming from and I have to understand to value his space. I tend to have long term relationships which I feel is because I love the feeling having some one there...

I question my relationships AM I REALLY IN LOVE? or do I just enjoy the company of someone else because I missed out on having someone like a sibiling? I dont think I will ever know....Do I even know what love is?

No one knows my feelings not even my boyfriend because im so insecure about the way I feel about all this. I find myself sometimes breaking down in tears in the middle of the night because I hold everything in...I can't talk to my boyfriend about the feelings I have and I definately do not want to tell my parents because I don't want to feel bad about them not having another child. I HONESTLY  do not hate my parents for this. I love them too death I just have to learn to deal with this as it has gotten harder for me aging. If my parents were to pass away into heaven I would have no one to lean on and I think about that pain everyday. It's something about that unconditional love that I need to not feel so lonely. It does feel better to know many of you are going though the same thing and its also comforting to finally understand why I am who I am. Now that I know where my depression is coming from I can now learn to cope. 

I have only child syndrome

I am learning to cope

I am learning who I am

 

I don't care if no one ever reads this its just feels good to VENT! 
IP Logged
 Subject :Re:My life as an only child... 23-01-2012 20:00:19 
Sprite
a part of the community
Joined: 12-08-2011 01:27:50
Posts: 24
Location: 
Hi, HoneyB. I'm sorry about your negative experience as an only child. However, I don't think it's an only child thing. People with siblings feel the way you do as well. My younger cousin has similar experiences to yours and she has 4 brothers and 2 sisters.
IP Logged
Last Edited On: 23-01-2012 20:01:14 By Sprite for the Reason
 Subject :Re:My life as an only child... 24-01-2012 00:27:18 
Grizz
a part of the community
Joined: 03-01-2012 07:29:23
Posts: 15
Location: Texas
 
As an only child, breaking away from your parents can be hard. I found that is was for sure! Relationships can be a bit tricky as well. Not everybody has the same issues, but you will find relational talk in almost every thread. I too am a huge "people pleaser" in an attempt to gain or secure others affection. It is something to keep a handle on; but remember, it's also a blessing to others : ) First off, you are NOT alone! Secondly, I would encourage you to find a girlfriend you can lean on and trust. That way through life, boyfriend or not, you have a friend you can always lean on, Just be sure not to expect too much too quickly. Let the relationship field itself. Lastly, there are some side effects to "only-child discovery". I've gone through a lot in the last two years. You may have to keep an eye out for the 'bratty' moods. However, there is a very good underlying reason for that struggle. I would say if it becomes a huge issue in your relationship, you should be able to talk about it with your boyfriend. Just don't use it as an excuse ; ) Things will get better! Lastly, welcome to the community! There is no need to go through anything alone. I look forward to hearing more from you and yes; it's always nice to vent ; )
IP Logged
 Subject :Re:My life as an only child... 24-01-2012 00:28:16 
Grizz
a part of the community
Joined: 03-01-2012 07:29:23
Posts: 15
Location: Texas
 
Why am I the only one that seems to loose my paragraph spacing when posting? What's yalls secret?
IP Logged
 Subject :Re:My life as an only child... 24-01-2012 00:33:05 
Grizz
a part of the community
Joined: 03-01-2012 07:29:23
Posts: 15
Location: Texas
 
I meant lose above! lol @Sprite Have you noticed how most of your post say the same thing? I understand sibling relationships have there own set of problems. I think it's fair to say that "First Born's" have special issues the same as middle and last children. I think adoptees also have special considerations. If you agree with those remarks, would you not also agree that only children might actually have special considerations?
IP Logged
 Subject :Re:My life as an only child... 29-01-2012 15:30:13 
Guidedog
Just starting out
Joined: 29-01-2012 20:37:57
Posts: 4
Location: West Sussex
Hi Honey B, Struggled with same thing myself. My now ex sat me down an said she loved me like a brother but was not in love with me. I thought I felt the same but she now has a new man and where as we were freinds and still saw a lot of each other I cannot deal with this concept I think because Iam an only. if this is the case I am part way there to dealing with it and your post has helped me feel it is not just me thanks Guidedog UK
IP Logged
 Subject :Re:My life as an only child... 31-01-2012 14:25:45 
Sprite
a part of the community
Joined: 12-08-2011 01:27:50
Posts: 24
Location: 

Grizz, , sorry, I guess it might sound like I'm repeating myself, but I'm just trying to make fellow only children feel better. I honestly don't think that us only children are any different than others. There are some issues that some only children have and they seem to think it's because they are an only child. However, I know some people with siblings who have the same issues or stereotypes that some only children talk about.   For example, some only children say they feel like loners. Well, I know some people with siblings who feel that way as well. My ex-boyfriend had no brothers, but he did have sisters, and he is a loner. I know many people who settle in relationships as well, and they are not only children. So it seems many issues might just be people (or an individual) issues and not really an only child issue.

 
IP Logged
Last Edited On: 31-01-2012 14:27:50 By Sprite for the Reason
Page # 


Powered by ccBoard